The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just gift wrapped bread.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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