my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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