do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
