In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
