you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
