Just fell off a train. Bad.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
