Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
