So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
