I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
As shirtless as possible
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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