yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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