eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I didn't notice because vodka
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
