I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
