that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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