Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
