They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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