What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
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