tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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