is your mom at the bar?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
