I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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