Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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