Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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