You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
