So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
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