do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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