I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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