it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
