Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He felt like a one man threesome
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
