I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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