He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
