So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
