I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
