check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
