just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
