oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
