I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
