Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
