Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
