I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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