He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
