Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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