if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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