1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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