Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
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we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
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It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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