Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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