so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
