forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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