I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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