I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
