went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Floor bacon is actually really good
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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