Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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