Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
