I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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