after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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