She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
