I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
