I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.