so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Im part way to drunk.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?