Your mouth is God's brothel.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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