You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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