I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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