I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
