I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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