I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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