I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
